so what

god why do ppl always have to concern themselves with what i do or dont do..or what i eat ..or what i wear ..or how i look..what ever happened to me being old enough to do what i wanted to do without anyone else being able to say something about it? its not fair at all..my choice to call in sick today..my choice because its my job..my hours im not getting paid for..god i thought and worried about it all morning before finally deciding to call in the first place..because yvonne was here because tomorrow i have to be at riley and harris's house..becuase i have to do paperwork..because there were fraking things i needed to do and didnt have the time if i had to work today..ive gone to work sick ..i dont just miss days every week for the hell of it! god i have more sense than that..and i wouldnt just miss days because i dont want to go to work..that would be stupid.. that would end up with me losing my job .. so why would i do that? but why must everyone make comments about why im not at work? what concern is it of anyone else..im not asking for money to pay anything..ive worked my butt off these past couple months to make sure i would be able to pay bills and if i couldnt then i did when i had the extra money..geez i felt guilty wnough doing it in the first place..worrying about if they were going to be mad at me..or something..and i talked it over with yvonne and she didnt add pressure or anything at all..i told her i couldnt decide and she made me figure out what i had to do..and we spent the morning together..she came yesterday and spent the night since i couldnt go up there to see her..and we did dinner and watched movies at home and i got her a bday present of sorts..and we went out this morning and did some stuff and now im home again and she has headed back to school and im getting ready to do paperwork..no im not wasting the day in bed or anything..its so stupid..

and im probably over reacting in the first place..wasnt in the best of moods anyway from shopping for clothes this morning...everything is sleeveless or cut to low and i cant wear them..i could scream im so upset and annoyed over it..i mean its like a glaring sign pointed at me saying ive =been stupid and pretty much destroyed my body and it cant be fixed..and it is all my fault..and so i shouldnt be disappointed or hurt or anything but that doesnt stop it...went a few places and looked around and it was depressing on so many levels because i can only shop for certain things..and i have also been really really stupid and gained weight in the past year and that makes it harder to find clothes too..and it was all just to much today..and it just all turned into a big i hate you day..god if i could jump out of my skin i would just to get away from myself for a while..