not much to say

its just that i cant find the words to really say whats on my mind..to many thoughts are going all over the place ever sense therapy on tuesday..and hence ive been not really losing time but just having a time of remembering what im doing or what day it is..which jjust leads to more stress because then i think ive missed an appt or something and its like i can look right at the calendar and still not clue in on what it is im looking for or what day it is..its a pain in the butt...and then i havent been wanting to do anything at all.not sure if its just being sad or depressed still but its not getting any better..and my job is good for zoning out when i want it to be..

im still unable to figure out what i think of showing my scars to the T..im not even sure what i was thinking when i did it..it was just do it..i almost backed out..i almost let all the time run out for the session..and at the last possible minute i just asked..and then i had to show them because i asked..but because of the time she didnt really give much of a response and im not sure i could have handled a response anyway..she did let me know that we would be talking about it next week..and im gonna go out on a limb here and say that she wont be forgetting that little comment..im sure she wrote it down ..in the session talking about other stuff she does bring up things ive said and i swear it is so surprising that she remembers the little stuff i tell her when i cant even remember everything i tell her..

but on a side note (and nope i didnt have anything to say ) made it to the library this week..and got some new books...for some reason i have developed a habit of starting series and then not being able to find the second book lol..but started reading the ellen hopkins books and i swear i could not put the book down yesterday...i finished the entire 400 some pages in about gour and a half hours..while at work no less!!! but the book was called crank..and i had seen it in the bookstore a while ago and glance through it and thought the set up of the book was really stupid and so i didnt give it a second thought..went to the library a few weeks ago and got her other book called burned on a whim and again couldnt put it down once i had started it! so then of course i just had to read crank..and its about meth and how it worked its way into this girls life and what happened and everything and i really do hate to admit it made me slighty curious to know what a serious high feeling is..but then i remember the horror of watching requiem for a dream and was able to nix that thought in the bud before it got out of hand..but seriously it was a good very good book..both of them were! im glad it was in the library so i could get it lol..im considering buying both of those books because well yea they were good but they were written in a way that i could relate too..you know..questioning your life..your beliefs..going against what you were brought up to believe..the appeal of addictions and how hard they are to give up..because no im not into drugs and never have been but i do consider cutting and purging to be addictions none the less...the books made sense..the insight was really really good and made me think you know..i like books like that!