should i be?

should i be happy or sad or proud that i showed my doc one of my arms..well the worst one..and she asked about some of the other scars but i didnt show anymore..i waited until the last possible minute of the session before i got up enough nerve to even bring it back up again..and she looked and i almost thought she was going to try to touch them but she didnt..she told me we would talk about it more..and its one of those we will talk about it mores that i know she wont be forgetting about..and i was ok while she looked and was ok when she asked about the other ones..and even managed an ok when she said we would talk about it..but as soon as i left it was like i realized what i had done..and i dont regret it but im really really scared..anxious..like suddenly some line has been crossed and i may pretend but its not going away again..and im not sure what i think about it..i keep thinking some rule has been broken but i dont know what the rule was or even where it came from..but thats all i keep getting im my head..some part of me is really not pleased at all with what ive done..i dont know how to take it or deal with it...im anxious yes but i dont want to cut..go figure..just struggling to understand it..