weird

after everything i wrote this morning i still went and half threw up..it was just not working this morning and so i stopped but then i was feeling weird for a long while..first because sometimes purging makes me really sick and because i didnt need to walk outside and be in the sun feeling that bad..its like being outside just made me want to go throw up and since i had to do thing on campus i was walking back and forth and started getting dizzy..and for a second really had to stop moving because i was really close to crying..and it was one of those you have so done this to yourself kinda crys..and the general crummy feeling and i wanted to go home and couldnt because i actually had to do woork today..so i did the logical thing and randomly dropped by teachers offices to stay busy and just my luck prof dunn was in her office..and we talked about school stuff for a little while and im going back on friday so she can help me with some homework stuff im been putting off..and then i went to dr bass's office and of course she was in too..after ive been looking for her for forever shes in her office today and we talked about my placement and shes really happy i got it to..and of course she would be the one to flat out ask about the cutting and she couldnt ask a yes or no question..no she wanted to know how often..given i pretty much avg once or twice a week and i told her as much but im still glad we couldnt talk long..since i wasnt feeling much like talking anyway..and then we run into dr miller on the way out and he asked me about the fin aid stuff whicch i still havent bothered trying to do or even finished deciding to do..and he keeps telling me they will help me with it..but i just dont know about htat...thinking about its like yes i could so use the money..im starting to worry a lot again about everything.. and im not doing my work and its like ok im not doing it but what the heck am i doing instead..and its nothing..literally i spend my days doing nothing..and yeet im still stressed eventhough i have the time to do all my work..i dont get it..yea im a bit more depressed than usual and maybe that has something to do with it..so anyway then i went and actually finished the project thing for tomorrow with kitta and im hoping it will go ok..i just want it to be over and done with now..im sick of looking at it...but we got it done and thats something..then i ended up going to a late lunch with yvonne and valerie and we played phase 10 for like an hour sitting in the resturant..then we went to the founders day party thing and got cupcakes and ballon thingys..i got a teddy bear on a stick and yvonne got a princess hat...but hers popped a little in like 10 mins..we ran into kenny and then made it home finally..spent the rest of the night watching tv and pigging out on pizza and talking to valerie since yvonne is at rehersal..but i think im going to bed soon..im tired..really really tired