Thursday, April 28, 2011

im tired...very tired...

well this week has been crazy busy..and im just overly tired...mostly likely because of not feeling so great...and just all the coughing and not sleeping is wearing on my body it seems..and so by 1 in the afternoon im ready for a nap..and today i think i may actually go home and take one..because i dont see my next person until like 4:30 this afternoon..and i am currently incredibly tired and worn out..and have i mentioned tired...im hoping tomorrow ill be able to go and get my sleeping meds filled..cas i would do anything right now to get a full nights sleep!

hmm what else has been going on...saw linda this week..and we talked about acceptance a lot..and all of that..parts of it i am still thinking about..processing..trying to figure out...but it was an okay session..im working on dealing with seeing her every other week..and so yeah..trying to accept that i cant see her as often as i like right now ..and just going to have to deal with it...but i guess im managing ok...some ups and downs..but managing...

mommy is on her usual you need to do this mode...since she saw me this weekend..and didnt say anything.but now the phone calls about not eating certain things..and losing weight..and taking care of myself..and all of that is starting up..and ten she asked when i would be coming home again..and i didnt have anything to tell her...i dont want to go home if all im gonna hear is how much i need to improve and everything..theres not a point in going home..cas she can tell me that one the freaking phone..

money this month..well for may is going to be really touch and go...got bills to catch up on and of course not all the money to cover everything..and as much as i hate paying some things and not others..im gonaa have to figure out something...and im afraid that ill end up not being able to pay all of my rent at once..and dealing with that...cas mommy needs mommy that ive borrowed back..and then i have a massive electric bill that needs to be paid..and just other things that i need money for ..and im getting a check..but ugh..yeah..just frustrating to still be living paycheck to paycheck..and i mean overall yes things could be a whole lot worse..and i know that..but its still really frustrating..and then with all the driving around i do..and gas prices still creeping up..i do feel really very stuck right now..but on the work front..i know have 5 clients..and if i see everyone and my people are at all and avaible then my checks will start improving again..and for at least the next 3 months..things will calm down for me..and ill be able to save a bit..and get on top of bills and everything..gosh i owe so many people so much money..and im still struggling you know...and so i think that for now im done with trips and everything out of town..cas i need to just catch up...and im trying not to worry myself about things..because yes i know what needs to be paid and it will all get paid somehow..i just need more time..and then there is stuff going on with my car that i need to get fixed..and there is one super major important thing that is hanging over my head..and that i keep putting off ..and if i dont get it fixed i could end up in a hell of a lot of trouble..and so im determined to get it paid in may...and stop putting it off..and just get it taken care of..cas i am sick of having it hanging over me..and feeling so worried and stressed out about it...

im also in the process of looking to adopt another kitten..and so im just looking around online and when i have the money im going to go to the spca and stuff..and see ...im trying not to rush into it..and trying to take my time and not push myself to do it..but another kitten will make me happy..and im not looking for any more than 2 cats total..and bounce does need a playmate..and i think if they are closer in age then they will get along much better lol...still go through bouts of really missing dusti...but its getting easier...

oh and i also have to keep working on paying off my therapy bill. and what not..cas yeah..super high...but am working on it...

i guess im starting to feel better..im not coughing as much anymore..and im not feeling like im standing at deaths door waiting to just keel over or something..so that is good...now i just needd some time to regroup and rest and chill..and ill do that this weekend.. along with the massive amounts of paperwork that ill have to do inorder to keep up with my increase in clients and things..now im back to using my calendar and actually scheduling in ppl..and all of that...so yeah...busy busy busy...

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