you know..

maybe coming home had its benefits..how ever slim and farfetching they may be..i have to wonder if things would have turned out different if i was still currently living on my own..well yea..id be able to do whatever i wanted without worrying about having to explain myself and what ive done..i wouldnt hate coming home..but on the other side i would also be still struggling more than i am now iwth money and getting things paid..yea its still a struggle but i know i have enough to pay my immediate bills and have a little left over..to do other stuff with..but being home also means i have to put up with everything from everyone else and in a way learn what it is that bothers me so much..and its either work on it now or leave it all alone until i really do crack under the pressure so to speak..and i did crack a bit the other week and things really truly sucked big time..but that also meant i had to think about it and all that came with it you know..maybe this is the place to learn about standing up for myself and doing what i have to inorder to take care of myself..its not gonna happen tomorrow..but it will one day..and i hope that in the time im at home..god i hope im gone by next summer..but i hope ill be able to figure things out..have to have some place to get my priorities in order.and if i had to choose i certainly wouldnt choose doing it at home..but i guess thats just how things work out...if i wasnt home and constantly on the verge of backing down i wouldnt have managed to talk myself into going back to therapy in the first place..and thats as good a starting place as any!!?!