i suppose things are getting back into some sort of order..and going to the play therapy thing last night did help..but even with that and everything i know things are still really close to be pushed over again..or i guess it would be better to say im really close to being pushed over again..but trying hard to be ok enough to get by for now..not to pleased with my actions of late but i wont get into all of that because its not to bad or anything and the scars wont be noticed..so its just another day right..things cant really get any worse right now..and its just ive stopped bothering to do anything with my time..instead i just wait becuase ive learned more this past week that it really doesnt matter what i have planned..because if im needed to do something else then screw my schedule..because it doesnt matter anyway..i freak out because im trying to fit everything in but no one else really cares at all as long as i make time for them and to do stuff for them..so much for having time to take abreak this week..i really needed that break and instead i just got more and more stuff added on that i still needed to do..and because of it all ive been late for work and stuff..im told family comes first..but it seems im the only one in the family that doesnt really matter as much

still sad..still upset..but not suicidal anymore for now at least..struggling..and back to being really quiet..

but for other stuff

last night i went to play therapy overview kinda for my job..it was one of those continuing education things that some jobs 'heavly reccomend' that you do last night was the play therapy one and i was signed up because i well like working with kids..and the stuff we did was really cool..wished i had been in a better space to try more of them but watching was cool too..

but ive decided..im going back to school be a play therapist i could never come up with an answer when i was asked and it was just yea im planning to get my masters i just couldnt deicide what i wanted it to be in or where i wanted to go..so now ive decided lol..and still dont know where to go but its something