im ok

words hurt...a lot of the time i hate what im being told..doesnt matter who its coming from you know..it all depends on who is saying it and the meaning they want to come across..last weekend in a group im in i was asked to help with something and i did and the other person just got really upset and said a bunch of really hurtful things..didnt matter that i was reading it..and i was under the impression that i was being helpful and not messing everything up..but it wasnt like that ..and i ended up really hurt and upset and pissed off big time..because once again no one tells me what they are really thinking..and once again i just felt they were sorry because i say it and called them on it before they wanted me too..and it was just your not sorry you did it..your sorry your caught..just like everyone else ive ever had this happen with..im not stupid and im not a child..i may be quiet and let a lot of things get by me but sometimes i dont let that happen..and i listened to all the apoligizes and invites to tell me i was welcome to stay in the group..and i just wanted to tell her to leave me the hell alone..but i stuck to my choice to wait a week..and calm down and really think about what happened and why and what i thought about it..and its like i did it..i had my chance to vent and yell in a journal..i worried and stressed and wondered about it..and i still said the occasional hi to them in other places..and then today i started posting just a little bit ..and it wasnt the same..i realized i wasnt ok with being there anymore..no matter how much i wanted to stay..i just wasnt ok with being there and knowing about the staff board and knowing what was written about me and not being able to see it or have access to it..im paranoid enough..i dont need help..and not from a place that is supposed to offer support you know..im not setting myself up to always be left wondering if im doing something wrong..i have that at home i dont need it online too..maybe i was so desperate to be validated and accepted that i shared more than i should have and opened up to fast and so i ended up hurt because i trusted them..i trusted that it was safe to talk and ok to talk..and it turned out that it wasnt...and i had to realize that ..and not force myself to stay..and i sent them a message..letting them know rather politely why it was i couldnt stay..and im ok with it..im ok with how i did it..im not proud of myself or anything..but just ok..i stood up for myself..i said what i was thinking..and i cant control there reactions..i just have to remember that