anxious a bit ..but mostly just pissed off and now a bit sad..funny how after anger comes saddness..maybe i just skip the anger part and go straight to sad..i dont know..but its just they were fighting downstairs and mommy is freaking out and still in a seriously pissed off mood in that they actually fought in the house..but they knocked junk over and thankfully nothing was broken..but john john was nice enough to apoligize and help me clean the mess up..and montrell just keeps going on and on about it and yelling about all this stuff that doesnt matter..
and makes me mad that he is constantly looking to blame someone else for what he did..and then when he is confronted about it he lies and denies it and its like damn you i just watched you do this or no one else was home so who did it? and he still lies and swears his innocence..god how many times as a kid was i hit for something he did? how many times now did i ask mommy not to let him come back and stay..and still he is here..its like why do i bother trying at all about some stuff you know..
no i didnt have the perfect childhood..yea it owuld be nice if i could remember any of it..but no it wasnt perfect..yes i have a lot of issues now..but no i am not blaming someone else for the stuff i do..god im sure mommy would be pleased if i said someone else cut me instead of her having to deal with me doing it..but i dont ..some things theres just no point in lying about..and its like the things i do and the things i think dont have to define who i am..i dont go looking for pity or want someone to feel sorry for me..i dont talk for that reason and i can feel sorry enough for myself for everyone..but i guess when it comes down to it i dont have to be defined by what ive been dx'd with..i just happen to be me and all of my other stuff i just have to deal with and id say that i do ok most of the time..some days im so off the wall i dont know what to do with myself but then eventally it goes away for a bit..i hate that ppl use dx's as excuses or what happened to them as excuses..it makes it harder i guess for the ppl who really try to make something of there lives regardless of everything..
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