i can safely say i will never ever ever ever in a million years take a drive that long anywhere! good grief my butt is like one huge bruise and now just sitting in the car makes me hurt :miss no thanks! gosh over 24 hours sitting down on the way back and nothing to look at and nothing to do just drove me crazy so many complaints from my mom and uncle and with my brothe rand sister sleeping so much iwas just left to stare out the window and try to sstay comfortable but with the three of us i nthe back seat there wasnt much room anywhere!
being home just got worse after the last time i wrote and i ended up cutting more than once and i seriously considering calling my doc because i couldnt go see her conisdering i was at home and thats a 2 hour drive away and i dont drive...so now im trying hard to get back on track with everything..im back at school and trying to get back in the swing of things and being back on a s chedule...its the new year and its so hard to believe it is 2006..i mean yea im glad its not 2005 anymore but i just hope 2006 leaves me with a better outlook on life..right now things arent looking to bright at all and i dont know..just being home and around my mom just kills what little self confidence i manage to scrape up..and it just makes me feel wrong and stupid and everything...after listening to how selfish and mean i am for so long i forget everything else, i cant believe what anyone else says about me in a good way when its my mom who is constantly on me about how screwed up i am! its just not fair and i dont know what to do to change it..i mean my doc is always asking me if i want independence from my mom and its just so hard explaining why i have to go home and why i cant just not go home...i cant figure it out, i want to be left alone but in a weird way i need her approval and acceptance but i dont know if ill love long enough to get it you know...guess im just being a bit depressive tonight lol..im really in an ok mood though, been watching movies and pigging ouy with my roommate today and right now i dont care...once we get my elliptical up and in order ill figure out some diet to go on and stick to i guess :eek so much to once again work my way through
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