not good i dont think....not good at all

you would really really seriously think i would learn my lesson...i swear my body hates me these days and does things just because it knows i hate the sick/queasy feeling..i wonder if i could be kicked out of my body..where would i go? what would happen to me? ok so back to the land of sucky reality...every time now every time i go and b/p its like my stomach just kicks me in the butt and makes me sicker than i was to begin with...to the point of just sitting still and not moving because i dont want to throw up again..just a huge general i dont feel good i want to go stay in bed for the rest of my life kinda sick...and it will last until tomorrow some time...hopefully not that long since it came on me so fast this time :( close to crying just because im hurting so much physically and it sucks and i told yvonne today that i had a stomach bug or something just incase i do something stupid like barf on the floor without warning...but anyway..im a wimp for complaining..ill just deal with it and get over it and swear once again to never do it again...hopefully...i dont like the sick feeling and i dont know how to even explina why it happens except my body is starting to not like what im doing to it...its getting back at me like that makes any sense at all..so my day..hmm i saw my advisor today because he had to sign my application and i told him about the whole chancellors list thing and i was so embarrased he just heaped on the compliments and i was like good grief what am i supposed to say and he is going to tell prof dunn and dr bass..i said it was ok since i would have gotten around to telling them soon enough but oh well they will know now...i guess its a bigger deal than i thought it was...i dont know i dont care and i just hate that ive made it so it will be expected of me now...ive made the standards so much higher now..i know better than to even think of failing now...now i have to get a step away from being this super person ...that would be my fault..funny how so many things are my fault..i dont even know why i do half the things i do..i want my bear back..i cant sleep without her so ive learned..shes all alone with mommy..its a stupid bear and you would think i had lost a kid..all the same shes my bear and she is a really special one and i want her back..i cant sleep without the help of meds these days...gotta love the meds with sleeping junk in them..anyway im drifting big time now..maybe seriously drifting isnt such a bad idea..it might get my mind off of things...except lately my thoughts just go to the same place...bad bad bad