not guilty

im not guilty...im feeling way to calm to even consider being guilty...but i am really ashamed of what i did...and that by its self is enough to make me want to cry but i tried not to..e.verything just turned into one big trigger and i should have stopped watching what i was watching but i didnt and it was like watching mommy on tv..same situation, same thoughts and words..same everything and because im the way i am i managed to turn it all around and scare myself into thinking mommy is just randomly going to turn up one of these days and find out im still cutting and stick me in the hospital...i cant finish my homeowrk, i cant finish anything right now and i dont want to go to class tomorrow either because i dont know what to write about..i dont want to have to sit in class and be out of it...i just i dont know...now i want to talk but i cant...i just cant