pieces in the puzzle..

i knew that eventually i would figure it out and just like i have always tried to ignore it i knew what it was...i like to say i live in my own little sheltered world where i cant get hurt and ill be safe from everything..i just never realized how big that world suddenly got and how much of what i see no one else sees at all..my supposedly safe place is just a bunch of lies that have gotten to the point that i cant really seperate them anymore..well without help but thats a while nother story...my reality is a way to protect myself, was a way to protect myself and now i dont know anymore, my reality doesnt make thigns go away it just ignores half of them and makes the other half okay, bad or not its all ok...the point behind all of this? ive been thinking about the whole acceptance thing and i was having trouble figuring out why it was that i wasnt getting it and just refusing to see all of it...i knew if i thought about it long enough i would figure out a but to the whole thing and i did but not in the way i wanted it to be....accepting the emotions would be a start but it will get to the point that i will have to accept all of it..every stupid measly horrible part of my life and who i am..it means i will start growing up, it means i will see everything for what it is, i will begin to realize that a lot of how i am doing things really is hurtful to me not someone else...