today...

well today was a doc day pretty much...saw the med doc and my bp meds are changing a little bit..because i my bp is still pretty high..so a change in that and also adding on some sinus/allergy meds...my a1c is still at 6.7 so that is good..its down from 9.7 from oct of last year..but i do need to put a little more effort into diet and exercisse and all that...but yeah a fine doc appt and i got a flu shot..and the doc and lab tech was nice enough to let me get the shot in the room i was in instead of going into the super open and out there lab room...cas of the scars i need more privacy or ill just freak out...so i got that...but i havve to go get my new scripts filled tomorrow and im stuck with the same stupid bc for another few weeks but i had to have an appt made to see the gyno about trying a different type of bc pills...my goal though is to avoid that damn thing at all costs while on vacation....ugh..

but after that i waited a bit and saw t..and actually it was ok...im not feeling as stressed or 'bad' as i was last week..and i did talk to t about last week and how hard it was for me and what happened and everything..and somewhere in the convo we did talk about how i trusted her..and being able to tell her stuff..and feeling nervous about her leaving and lots of stuff...a lot of calmer stuff from her..and a lot of reminding me that therapy is completely my choice..and for the first time i am with a therapist that is there because she wants to...as in she is seeing me for free..and she doesnt have to..but she is..and for some reason that makes things a little bit better ..i am looking at therapy a little bit differently i think...but i will be seeing my med doc nexxt week..and possibly the week after to kinda help me get through the time without the actual t...and i know most ppl only spend like 15mins or so with there med doc..but geepers i get like an hour every time i see her and its scheduled..if its a surprise appointment and just a quick check in then its shorter but i still feel listened too.. and that is a major major thing..i need to feel listened too...but t was all about me making a plan to stay busy while she is away and everything to kinda help with not seeing her...im just hoping it will be ok..and that things will be okay and that i will be able to make it...thats the plan anyway..

and then i left and went back to work and worked for the rest of the day...so i stayed busy..and that helped with keeping my thoughts from going overboard..or underboard..

so things are feeling ok today..all things considered ...tired and drained but still ok