just a little sad ...

every so often i think about the church thing and whether or not i want to go back...and the thing is i do want to go back..not to hear what is being preached but just to be around some of the ppl that are there.that i have lost contact with..that i miss..but getting a few needs met is not enough to allow me to let go of the hurt that i did experience there..ok  crap there is one person that i miss the most..and the relationship that iwant with her is not just friends..i have her mixed up in my mind about my issues with mother figures..and i know this..and so not being around her is a good good thing..but at the same time not being around her causes a different kind of hurt..a different kind of loneliness..i miss her..i miss her a lot and it hurts that i cant talk to her or be around her anymore..