where have i been ??

i guess this is one of those really obvious questions you know...where have i been..where has my head been?  where have my thoughts been?  truly have i been able to accomplish nothing at all ?? i knew my apartment ws messy but well the motivation and drive to do anything about it was missing...i just ignored the mess and went on about my business and every day i said i would come and clean and organize..and it never happened..i came home alright but i just laid down and slept...i think ive slept away most of june and july..honestly :( and i feel awful that i am not able to manage just the stupid day to day stuff..like taking out the trash and washing the dishes..laundry is in its own category because there is just so much of it.and well yeah just a mess..and i know better you know..but still all i can seem to do it get it together enough to make it to work..and even that is questionable some days..crap even showering has become to much to deal with some days....i dont know how im managing..i dont know what im doing..i dont know how to fix myself...and i know that just tackling the whole problem isnt gonna work..so im trying to work on a little bit at a time..i have laundry going and ive cleared a corner o f my room...i just cant do it all at once..and its going to take a bit of time to get this in order in here..and i just wish i felt better so that i would care you know that things are just a mess...today i care a little bit ...well enough to begin to try to get stuff worked on..but that is now..what about later on?  tomorrow?  next week??? i really do have to take things as they come ...i cant plan ahead...i cant plan anything really...im never sure what ill be able to actually do anymore... so no i dont know where in the hell ive been..my body is here..but my head...most days my head is just gone...and not with anything at all... -sigh-