maybe it is just me not trying hard enough to deal and manage...
maybe ill just never BE like everyone else and i will always have to battle my mind and my thoughts and emotions..i will just always have to fight to deal and be ok and manage..
in the world of mental health issues..i really do feel like i stick out horribly...im still just slipping through..im trying to work on my stuff and manage and deal..and some days its like why do i even bother..and other days its like there is nothing wrong..im perfectly ok...but i know my thoughts..i know how i feel when i am suicidal..i know how hard it is for me to get up in the mornings and feel like i am worth something...
im not ok but who am i going to tell ?? who will believe me?? just because im not suicidal or cutting or anything doesnt mean that im ok...im not ok and i just feel like things are going to get worse ..and i need to keep managing and hanging on because that is what i have to do..that is what im expected to do..im not allowed to break down...ill go and get more razors before i let that happen..i have to keep reminding myself that im not going to die..that i cant die..that i have things to look forward too...but sometimes its really hard..keeping hopeful when i just want to lay down and hide...and trying to stay hopeful when everything feels so hopeless...
i dont know...im just not screwed up enough to need constant care and supervision ..so in a sense its as if i am not screwed up at all..
but i am screwed up...messed up..broken..hurt..shamed..guilty..afraid..quiet....always so so very quiet..
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