once again i end up hurt and feeling wrong to stand up for myself...im not sorry ..i am sad though...i cant have someone else messing up my acct..and then to just get lied to about it makes it hurt even more..the fact that i am blamed for hurting and accusing her hurts...but i am going to have to get over it..
and try as i might...getting over it is not easy..because tonight for the first time in a while i really considered whether or not i would benefit from being in the hospital..like seriously admitted to the hospital because i cant deal with anything else..because i am so sad that i dont know what to do with myself..because everything hurts and all i want to do is sleep and not have to deal with anyone or anything...because i am struggling and i don't know how to make it better...i dont know what im doing anymore..and if i lay down and go to sleep and ignore my paperwork..i may be freaking fired..and im not even sure i completely care..i just want to be left alone..i want everyone to just forget about me and let me die in peace
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