Saturday, July 21, 2012

im afraid ive shut down

the week is finally over!! i dont think ive ever been happier to see a weekend come!!

trying not to jump into the anxiety and worries for next week..and trying to just take it a day at a time...but yes..major down time for this weekend i think..well no have to run errands..boo..and go and pick up more apple slices w/ caramel for the kids lol..that is there newest favorite thing..so everyday its at least one or two of those little things..

seriously had another nonrememberable night...i remember laying down..and the kids were watching a movie..and the next thing i know..its 1:30 in the morning and im waking up and trying to remember what happened or didnt happen...its like im losing hours but nothing is being done..the hours are just going ..and when i wake up i cant remember what i was supposed to have done or what i didnt do or anything..its frustrating..because there is so much that i have to do with work and what not but instead all i think we are doing is shutting down and sleeping...thats it...at home anyway..i lay down and thats it..but it is making the isolation worse..which is in turn allowing for the negative thoughts and s/i happen a lot more often..essh...

but today is going to be a good day...im hoping hard that it will be a good day...do have some errands to run..and i promised one of my kids that i work with that we would go out for dinner for her birthday today..so i wanted to pick her up a small gift and what not..cas of the familys situation ..she isnt gonna do/get anything ..so yeah...

next week we do see the pdoc .. and maybe ill see if we can get in to see t...not sure about t though..and we did agree to go to church tomorrow to kinda lessen the isolation..

and i think we are just rambling..so yeah lol...going to lay back down for a little bit ..and then im completely getting up...i am

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