unfair

the world is unfair..you know that.. the world..life..everything is just so unfair...

ive been watching for colored girls yet again and i am feeling super jaded right now.  i know its a movie i do.  but the sad part is that the subject matter is so very true and that is the part that is unfair.

its not fair that children die..that children are hurt.  that women are raped in their own homes..its not fair that parents can do horrible unspeakable things because they are parents ..i dont understand the need to hurt another person..i dont understand why people are hurt young and grow up and still have to deal with all the hurt..so many kids are growing up broken..and they are expected to live in a world that they do not understand..a world that has never made sense to them..they are expected to be the normal mindless members of society but how is that possible..when they live lives full of distrust..of hatred..of self loathing..how is it possible to ever fit into a world that never made sense in the first place?  and then when they are unable to fit in the world calls them crazy..the world locks them up and medicates them until they no longer have to feel anything..maybe that oblivion is better..i dont know.  it makes me sad..it makes me hurt..to know that i can write these words and know that more than anything else they come from inside of me.  they speak of fear and pain and loneliness that no one can understand.  it does feel like i am fighting this battle that i can not win. i dont want to get trying but i dont know how to give up completely.  no matter how much i want to emptiness..the oblivion.. i am still here.  im still waiting for all of this to make sense to me.  t asks me to work on staying present..or living each day in the present.  why do i want the present?  Reality has never given me anything but sadness and hurt.  :(