Never be afraid to contemplate new ideas and other sides. To ask
yourself, “What if this Isn't true?” or “What if there Is another way?”
For sometimes, the only way to see yourself clearly, or to change the
course of your life, is to step into a new light. ~ Sandra Kring
well firstly ..i woke up this morning and was feeling hungry. that was an improvement over yesterday!!! big time improvement...and with everything that has been going on you know ill take what i can get. i am feeling ok. a bit sore from all the throwing up yesterday..sore fgrom inactivity..you know my usual body complaints going on. i had a bit of a headache this morning and felt a little sick after eating earlier..but it is all calming down now..and i took all of my meds today..so yes i think im feeling a bit better. i think a nap is in my future though. a nice long one!!
but today..and well yesterday..ive begun to notice again that my need for comfort is beginning to override my good sense neurons or something. my need to be with my supervisor is extreme right now. and i know i havent seen a lot of her recently due to my own stuff and she has had some of her own stuff going on that keeps her out of the office..and so i am just feeling a big loss of sorts..like i need her and she is not available and so i havent been able to talk to her..about anything the past couple weeks and i guess it is all just building up and with all of my being sick and stuff my own head stuff gets pushed to the back and im sorta forgetting things to tell my therapist..and i am seeing my therapist weekly..but thats a different kind of support...i feel so very crazy when i think of my supervisor and the support she gives..it makes me feel small and safe..and i never want to be away from her..i never want her to let me go...where as i feel safe with my therapist and sometimes try to weasel in extra time with her..but i wont die if i dont see her.. i dont know if that makes any sense at all...maybe it is just that with not feeling well lately and being alone with not feeling well that i am just feeling way more vulnerable and needing the extra support and comfort.. i try so hard to control myself you know and i just get a bit lost when it comes to my supervisor...my need to be around her overrides my ability to remember that she is my supervisor an that i cant just tell her im breaking apart..i mean yeah she knows something is up..and prolly could tell me herself what i needed...but she hasnt heard anything from me in the past couple weeks short of me being sick and consistently not feeling well...but i saw my supervisor yesterday evening to get something from her and ended up asking her for a hug before i left her..and she gave me one..which prompted her to ask how i was doing and whatnot..and she told me that we would talk next week when she was back in the office...and im sure that we will at some point..but yeah..all the stress is just getting to me...it is..and i know im not doing enough to take care of myself..im truly not..and im still going back and forth between trying...so i dont know...just a bit down about things today..
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