ive felt sick all day...i cant catch a break..im done with the bc pills and so in a couple days the non stop bleeding will start..and already im feeling nauseous and crampy and just mad at everything..ive been sick so much the past few weeks im not sure anymore what not feeling sick is like
and the
pain meds i have arent strong enough at all..and its like i have to
completely accept that ill just be bleeding and thats the end of it.. im
frustrated with all of it..my doc appt ran way over and i missed most of my staff meeting and i wasnt able to turn in my notes that i had actually done but still needed to print and there was no time ..and so they are late and i had actually done just about all of the dumb things..
and because i was so late and my mind on so many other things there was no time to talk to my supervisor at all..and i realize that once again the need for comfort is major high right now..
and everyone around me is getting sick and its all my fault from being in the office last week sick..and i was so stupid to try to work when i knew i was sick..but i dont get paid if i dont work..
and i saw ppl today but not everyone that i needed to see
mommy isnt listening to me
no one is listening to me
i tried talking to mommy more than once today but what she is doing with her granddaughter is just more important..and i want to scream and yell and throw a fit and just be so so so mad and tell everyone im mad..just so that i will get some attention.. is that so much to ask ??
my need to destroy myself is really strong tonight...being upset..ok being mad and not knowing what to do with the feelings does leave me really wanting to hurt..to destroy..to be mean..and its all directed at me..and so im trying hard to control the feelings and not act on them
i just want to go to sleep..im done with today..i really am ..
i dont know what to do to make any of this better for today..
im just going to sleep and will start over tomorrow
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