not sure about things

im feeling off tonight.  sad.quiet. just at a real lost as to why i am here and what im doing.  today has been a day of nothing really.  yesterday was ok.  went to walmart last night and almost freaked in the store but managed to keep myself under control some how.  came home aroune 1 in the morning and told mommy i would not be going back out with her at 4.  get a call around 4:30 and mommy and nia and henry have experienced car trouble and need me to come and get them.  ok fine.  the problem was that i had taken a bit of meds late last night and so i was still working on muscle relaxers and sleep meds and so i really truly wasnt fit to drive and prolly shouldnt have driven at all but i did..went and got mommy and she of course still wanted to go to the store and what not..took her where she needed to go..took my brother and everyone places to get his car fixed..and each time i stop im falling asleep in the car. literally asleep in the car..and my mood just wasnt so great this morning and i was just tired and frustrated and slightly drugged.. and i ended up stopping for fast food this morning...not a good choice...my eating the past couple days truly has not been good and im trying to not beat myself up about it. and to remind myself that i do better when im in my own enviroment..with my own stuff and everything..and i know ill feel better when im home again and feel like i have more control over myself.  but being out of town and around so much food..yeah i went a bit over board...and all things considered my morning sugars have been awesome..the two days i eat like crap and my sugar is super low..blah..

im just ready to go home.  i am. i miss taji and bounce. i miss my place.. i miss my stuff.  getting away was nice. i will admit that..but i feel out of place without my stuff and im not comfortable..im just really not comfortable..i dont know how to explain it.  my thoughts are just all over the place. my head is quiet..but its a troubled quiet..something is bothering me ..and im not sure what it is.  im with family and lonelier than if i had stayed at home by myself :(   i dont understand.