where has this week gone??

i really cant believe that today is friday...i dont know where the week has gone..im not ready for it to be friday or maybe im just not ready for mommy to be here for like a day and a half...ugh..trying to be calm and in control but still the anxiety and fear is creeping it..and i keep going over and over in my mind everything that she will be yelling at my about...things with my car..things about the apartment..things about me..just endless lists of what is wrong with me and my choices i guess..and its just adding to the stress of everything ..i just want to get through this weekend as quickly as possible..

things are just a mess in the apartment and i feel utterly useless with trying to get things unpacked and put away..i get so overwhelemed and barely manage an acutal hour before i have to stop and lay down or something..and things are just pulled out all over the place..and i am just overwhelmed with all of it..not being able to find stuff and not having places to put stuff. and just all of it...i am not sure of what im doing and i dont feel like im doing all that much..and im not...maybe things will get put away with mommy here..ugh..

im just tired and my meds are going to be right for a couple weeks..and so i have to deal with that...and because of not working much this week..ill be getting in massive hours next week to make up for missing so many this week..but next week things will be calmer at least but yeah..not at lot of hours this week at all..so next week ill be playing catch up big time...

hmmm guess thats all ...lots on my mind and just a lot of stressing and trying to figure out what to do about things...going to have to make some decisions about therapy and medicine due to price...i have a financial screening thing at the free clinic next week..and hopefully if i get in there that would help out a lot..and if not then ill just ask about prescription help...i also printed off info about a couple medication assistance programs that i need to look at again and take to my pdoc...and see if i can get her to fill it out for me..

and then preferrably with my next paycheck ill be able to start really paying on my bill at my therapist and pdocs office..its really high ... and logically ..i know that i have to go to every other week until i can get insurance back and everything...but i hate that idea...i really do...but really i have no choice..its either keep running up the bill ..or go every other week and be able to slowly pay off the bill..ugh..

oh i wasnt approved for insurance...that was a hard hit to take...and the insurance they are advising me to look at would be almost 800 a month and thats not even remotely possible..and i wouldnt do it anyway! thats ridiculous big time...and so yeah eventually ill have to look for another job..but right now im making money..and getting hours and its  stable job...im not interested in looking for another job..and it just means ill be without insurance for a while..and ill deal with that..oh well...guess to many things working out at the same time is to much to ask for!