i guess i can stay that...say that i am sane again...say that i am back outside of my head and able to feel like i can function like a normal person....i hope like heck that what went on yesterday is over and done with but im not sure..i can still feel the same thoughts and feelings in my head and just waiting to take over..to push me over the edge..and i promise next time that i will call and ask them to get in touch with linda...i managed last night although it took everything i had and then some..and even at the end of it i wasnt sure what i was going to do or what i wanted to do..i really didint...i think it helped this morning knowing that i had a goal in mind..a plan..an appointment that i had to go to...having something external to focus on helped..and it was something that was not related to work and so that made it easier to focus and not try to talk myself out of it....my plan for the weekend is to get out of the house..on saturday im going to the movies and then the library for internet purposes..and sunday ill have to figure out someplace to go..but sunday is also supposed to be rainy and snowy so it may turn into just being in the house but i have books and can work on collages and stuff at home...plus i need to clean and do laundry and paperwork and stuff...so lots to do..but just gotta keep up the motivation to actually do stuff...writing helped some yesterday..and then i went home and watched a movie until i felt tired and laid down...it was hard for me to fall asleep though because i had taken a nap yesterday afternoon...but i slept...weird dreams again and woke up feeling a bit sick and nervous..but am feeling better now..and i am out of house and everything....
so im going to just spend a bit more time in the library working on some work stuff that is due today so i can get it emailed in..and then ill prolly just go home and take it easy...give myself a break you know..or at least trying to give myself a break..
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