not the best day...

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life." ~ Golda Meir

 

 

i feel the need to make sure i remember this...today has been one of those days that i wish never happened...work was one big ball of stress and being in the hospital ALL freakin day helped nothing...to many people..to much waiting...just to much to process and take in .. 

finally was able to take my client home and i came home..but i had to make a couple stops ..and i just kept getting turned around and messed up and everything was starting to get to me and i was just tired and hungry and mood just took a major nose dive...i became anxious..overly anxious..i became angry..like majorly just mad .. i couldnt think..i couldnt drive..i couldnt do anything...part of it was being told that my check is i dont know where..and im almost at the point of just saying screw it and im done with them..and waiting around for my checks..i am..im frustrated and stuck and waiting isnt helping me do shit..and its just upsetting me..and of course the boss wont call me freakin back..and the other part of it is that my meds are messed up right now..im out of lexapro..the pharmacist lied to me and im mad mad mad at that...the insurance wouldnt fill the whole prescription for my lexapro and she told me to come back and just pick up the rest..i go and they wont fill it..and i have to wait until saturday to be able to get it filled..and i didnt know that was what was going to happen..cas if i had then i would have not taken the entire dose each day and stretched it out..but no i thought i could get the refill and be ok..but no and now im out and im going crazy..i feel like a drug addict..i was ready to jump the pharmacist..i was ready to cry and i felt so out of control and unsafe..and being told i cant get my meds makes me feel all the more worse..and im worried...its like i keep thinking 'if you cant say anything nice then don't say anything at all'..ill be sitting in silence for the next couple days then..because i dont feel like i can control myself..or my words..or anything..i feel like i need to trap myself in silence to make sure i don't do or say anything stupid.. my usual be nice and considerate censors arent working right now it seems..and yeah..being quiet is just better..and easier..just gotta get through work tomorrow and friday..ugh..