(and now i see what the real true problem is)..i mean job wise this year is the first time ive been fired...and ive never quit a job before ..and im afraid of doing it..of making people upset with me..i want to hang on to the familiar..and not let it go..and so i am fighting hard with myself..to make the decision i know i want to make..but the wants..and desires of others gets in the way..its like already the lose of the supervisor cas she is at the other office is a big big deal ..but not seeing her at all..is like major no no no and alot of feelings about that...but no its not the job itself..and i think that is what ive been trying to hide behind..its like you know i keep saying im hanging on to the job..and the insurance..and that is true..but the bigger truth is that im hanging on to the people..i dont want to let them go... 
and now i want t
now i want to talk and process..and figure this all out...but cant see her this week..and have to manage..and i just suddenly feel so very needy and wanting things again that i cant have...and it makes me anxious..cas i dont know what to do with the feelings again..i dont know how to comfort myself..still...and it makes me feel sad...
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