i was thinking yesterday about how people just take it for granted that ill always be there to help, to talk to, to do something with..and maybe im juts kinda relating it yvonne the most right now because she does have her own life and i guess im just jealous that she does. she goes out the friends and hangs out and everything, and sometimes she asks if i want to go and sometimes not..most of the time i chose not to go..but then its like she gets busy and im busy and we kinda just dont see each other for a few days..and then she comes back and wants to do something and i may not want to be bothered at all..and i feel bad about it..but at the same time i get annoyed too..everyone just always seems to want me when its convinent for them..and i think i just get stuck waiting..and hoping that ill be needed...and i know that i should go out and make friends of my own, and find my own things to do..but i get scared even thinking about that..yvonne is safe and so i think im more content waiting for her to remember me i guess...but meeting someone new and having to talk and interact and have my weird work schedule..is really hard for me ..which makes this whole thing pointless..but guess i just needed to get that out of me head ..
made it through the weekend with work...and today im juts soooo tired and worn out..i think all the stress and worrying about work is really tiring me out...im doing my best..and im working hard to be more observant and see who is where..but today im tired..and just feeling i dont know sad..depressed..alone..i keep telling myself that i need to get up and go out and do something..i need to run errands..and i cant even convince myself to get up and get dressed..i just want to lay here and do nothing..i want to go back to sleep actually..but getting up would be good..i can go and get lunch and get some fresh air or something..anything..cas staying inside all day will just end up making the depression worse..and i dont want that...
No comments:
Post a Comment