something has been bothering me and i guess i know what it is now..im feeling lost about what im doing..the holidays are over and its back to work, or school, or whatever ppl are doing and it feels like im not doing anything..im working full time but it doesnt really feel like i am..im trying to get myself together but that motivation comes and goes..and i dont know .. i still feel like i should be doing so much more but i cant deal with anything else right now..ive been thinking about grad school and feeling jealous that i havent gone back yet and everyone else has ..and that is a bunch of bs..not everyone in the world goes to grad school and i know trying to go now would be a waste because i couldnt deal with it..but i keep telling myself i want a couple more years..i want a little more time..and then ill go back..the only thing that hasnt changed is that i do want to go back to grad school..i really do..i just cant pin point a time...and now im in va and theres a college really close to me that i could apply to of course..but not now..i need to get myself together before i tackle that stress.and im not ready to yet..i know im not..but that doesnt stop me from feeling like im lacking in some way..that ive ssettled for something less than everyone else..that ive given up i guess and i havent..i dont think..im trying hard to do what i know is best for me..and that worries me i think..im trying to give myself a break on a lot of things and really i just end up not thinking about them..but i guess thats better than making myself take on to much stuff or something...
but on to other things..im tired..of course..but i think im catching a cold..i really dont feel good today..right now..i justwant to lay in bed and not move..and so ill have to remind myself that i can do that all weekend..just gotta get through a couple days of work..
the more i think about it..the more i do want to go vegetarian again..which annoys the crap out of me..but im waiting because i have to be sure im not doing it for mommys benefit..i really do..
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