rambles in general

today once again did not get off to a very good start with mommy..its been two months since i have been in the house alone with her and well yeah..way to much attention all at once again..and its just hard i realize once again to be just me in the house alone with mommy..on another side note nia will be moving home once rob goes over seas ..she doesnt want to and i cant blame her..its like we are all cycling through being at home right now..but still ill take my chances at struggling my butt off in va still..and yeah it will be a hard hard super hard struggle for a while..

but anyway..mommy had issues with my hair this morning..seriously..made me go and redo my hair ..why it mattered i dont know..but it upset me..because its like i was just going to my sisters..i put on decent clothes..i did the usual would mommy approve train of thought while getting dressed..and still something was wrong..something had to be changed..and it was just depressing you know..cas i started thinking again that i wasnt good enough..and it was upsetting..but i try not to think about it to much..but through out the day the thoughts did creep into my head..and i had to push them away..think about something else..and i guess its ok..well not ok but just managing somehow i guess..

but went up to nias today to get away from being at home and it was fun..for the most part..i caught up on laundry and that was nice cas i was getting a bit behind! .. and we cooked out and hung out..watched a movie.and in general chilled out...i was the one who cooked the food on the grill and the only bad part was that the smell of smoke was stuck to me..the food turned out good but yeah way way too smokey..still feeling slightly sick but i dont know if its from the smoke or from eating way too much! both are making me feel slightly sick and nauseous ..want to just go and lay down but yeah gotta make up my bed first and put laundry away and i dont think ill manage at all right now..didnt get back from nias until almost midnight..and im glad mommy was sleep already cas she would have yelled at me..specially cas i told her i would be home by like 10 or so :( but she was sleep and i slipped in without her knowing what time it was..she may still yell in the morning but ill be more rested then i guess..

my usual money worries are going on..going to have to chance plans a bit..and im trying to figure out a way to work it all out and well no idea how any of it is gonna work out just yet ..

still picking at bug bites..i need to never ever ever use white sheets..all the bleeding bug bites just get all over the sheets and well yeah..not cool at all you know but just have to deal with it..its really not anything new..its just not been this bad in a while..essh

scary moment tonight when i almost ran out of gas in creepyville..not cool at all and i will never push my tank to run on gas fumes again..was so scared and nervous and worried i wouldnt make it to the gas station!