how can i be jealous of a 14 yr old..how is it that im so easily dismissable and forgotten? how is it so easy for me to be replaced, pushed aside, ignored when i am standing right there??? how come i never get the attention i want from mommy when im doing everything she is asking me for? my niece is here..staying..one of them anyway..shes 14..we have nothing in common but shes family and shes here and so i have to acknowledge her every so often when i see her...today we are stuck cleaning up..like full household cleaning..every room, every stupid floor, everything dusted, swept, wiped down, etc, all 50 million rooms in the house must be cleaned...more family is coming tomorrow for the holiday..everything must be in order, everything must be scrubbed down..i didnt complain when she told me i had to help..i just grabbed my ipod and started working..its easier to ignore mommy when i cant hear her..but about an hour in she just mentions that my niece is such a good cleaner, and a hard worker..i am doing the same stuff, im doing what she has asked me to do and its like its not the same..im not working hard enough..im not good enough..im doing something wrong..theres always someone to compare me too..and right now its a 14 yr old..how come i cant be like her..how come i cant get the attention she has ..and it just hurt you know..im working my butt off for no acknowledgment what so ever..she is working her butt off and at least she gets a good job..something..anything..its like what i do doesnt count at all..and im ashamed of myself for being jealous..
its not fair :(
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