im upset..anxious..really wanting to pace back and forth and ramble on with my thoughts..they are moving into things that i dont want to really think about and i get scared..i am scared..and so so jealous..maybe its not jealously at all but thats all i know how to identify it as..i knew when i started watching the tv show what it was about..i figured it out from the commercials but i had to watch it..i had to see what happens..and it always plays out the same way..the kid is hurt..they forget..they grow up..they remember for whatever reason..they confront whoever hurt them..they tell..they are believed..they end up in therapy..and everything is all happy and healthy and good and its all a bunch of bs and i hate it because thats not the way it happens..its not its not its not ..it never happens that way..really you want to know why i never said anything at all?? because mommy wouldnt believe me..because it would have been my fault..i would have been in trouble..i did something wrong..and i didnt do anything i was just there..i was just following directions..i was good, and quiet, and did what i was asked to do..i dont remember what happened..i really dont..and how can not remembering make me feel so afraid and upset? its like i know something happened..something always happened..but then i dont know what it was exactly..how far it went..everything gets all jumbled up and then nothing is there at all..i dont even know why its bothering me so much..its just it always upsets me that the way its played out on tv makes it all seem like its not as big deal..that it all turns out ok..and it doesnt..its not all fixed in an hour.its not always believed..its not anything at all..it all just .. i just want it all to go away