life

life continues regardless of whether i want it to or not.not that i want it to end or anything but everything is just blah right now.im tired really incredibly tired and drained..all the noise and crowdedness of the camp is starting to get at me..meals are the worst because there are so many different groups in there and it gets so loud! i try hard not to zone out but i watch my group without really watching them..all the time i count them over and over to make sure none are going somewhere and i dont see it..i swear at the end of the summer i will only be able to count to 8 and then ill be doing it like ever 5 minutes! its so funny that its really come to that again! im back to being unable to focus on anything at all for longer than 30 mins again.. still some of it is that ive been around kids who dont focus! but even that will lessen some in a month or so..but for now its just like ill be talking to someone and half way through the convo its oh look a bug or something shiny or im off on something else that matters in no real way..great fun

so my second to last group of kids went home today and it was good to see them go and knowing they all had a good time..but it was hard knowing one had already had to go because of behavior..i felt so guilty for not being able to help him more once again..but then i remember how many times i had rocks thrown at me or books thrown at me..i cant forget he destroyed my harry potter book the day after i got it! oh that one still makes me so so so upset because he did it only to get me upset..and i actually chased him (because of running away) for a while before erika caught me and i started crying about it..it really hurt that he only did it because he was mad at me about something else and my book was lying right there..and all the times he hurt others smaller than him and kids he didnt know..and that he wasnt sorry at all..and i know we did what we could..and that was that..but the others had a good time..i had fun with them..playing games and being silly and just having fun..and its really nice to have parents that bring junk food and cards and tips..the money not being important but its nice to be appreciated and thanked..its nice to have parents that do realize how much it takes to keep these particular kids safe for 2 weeks and still let them have a good time..and seriously one parent brought me and heather so much junk food that im set for a month with chips and cookies and drinks and thats after we split it all in half and got what we wanted..plus left some for the other base staff! and a toy lol..its like magnetic knex and they are really cool..and the cash and gift cards didnt hurt either..i got a new movie! 300 and im watching it now..decided against going to the movies because im just so darn tired and feeling lazy right now..so we have decided to try for the movies the next time im off from work..i want to see the transformers or bratz when it comes out..seriously my only escapes from life is books, music, and movies..i live through them in so many ways..but anyway...hmm on to other stuff..im excited about the youngest kids coming on sunday..we are getting 6yr olds :) i loved the 8 and 9 yr olds and they proceeded to tell me i was about 7 and liked a lot of kid stuff! no idea why they would think that lol

other random stuff

i got a unicorn webkinz :) completely still thrilled about that one...white water rafting rocked and it was so cool..we did a level four rapid and got stuck and then got went zooming down when we were unstuck and it was so scary but so fun! completely terrifying looking down a rapid and being stuck and just seeing rocks and rushing water under you! im learning to knit and thats just weird by its self because its like i picked it up really easily for the most part and it keeps me busy..and its slow enough that i can do it and still absently pay attnetion to my job :P im looking for a new apartment and planning on moving to asheville in dec i think..if i dont stay at talisman i think ill start looking into new leaf..if i sont go home..and im just not ready to go home yet..i want to start saving for a new computer but i cant do that without a roommate or a good raise..i wonder how you even ask for a raise? hmm dont know..but im waiting until the summer is over and we are starting stuff for the semester..but something to think about all the same..mommy wants me to come home in a couple weeks because she is going out of town and nia needs a ride to work..and ill be able to babysit..and guess thats all...

oh the no cutting thing is over for now..and thats all