Ive really been slacking off writing anything once again..i wrote only once while we were in fla and that was kinda accidental and I ended up having some time to myself for part of a day..and now we are back and ive never been so glad to be in one place for a while..overall the fla trip wasn’t bad..it could have been a lot worse and true the kids pushed us everyway they could and then couldn’t understand why they werent allowed to do stuff…they are the most selfish bunch of kids ever and its hard forever trying to teach them to work as a group when they are all so caught up in themselves..good grief if I was that selfish I would have killself myself years ago..i may be a lot of things but im not selfish and its just annoying I guess..they put demands on us like we have to do there bidding or else…I want to tell them to grow up and get a life..they think being at camp is the worst thing ever!! I told them that if they think this is bad they havent expreienced what life is yet..and no matter what we do it seems like they just don’t understand what it is they are here for…so a lot of the same things get repeated again and again..they pick and annoy and instigate each other so much its just tiring….and the one who started off being the most trouble isnt anymore..he is my favorite of all of them and its just because he sees things for what they are and just keeps all of it short and straight to the point..his directions have to be broken down to almost nothing but he will listen and do what we say…the other kids are starting to get used to him.more than once they have commented on how much he has improved and how he can act more mature then the group and all this good stuff and they still act like jerks when they want too…so back to the point..hmm oh the fla trip..well camping is state parks just become something I didn’t really enjoy in the long run..because here we are in tarps surrounded by ppl with rvs and electricity and all the stuff we couldn’t have or use..the bathrooms made things easier but harder too..because the kids just kinda assume they can go back and forth to the bathrooms as they please..i almost prefer the backpacking trips when we are in the middle of no where surrounded by nothing and there is really no where for them to go to get away from us…and for the record fla is cold as heck the weather stations are a bunch of liars and if they say a chance of rain what they mean is its going to pour and freeze and be miserable for a night..ugh it rained the first night and of course I slept on the bus because I wasn’t sleeping in the rain..slept on the bus for a couple nights before giving up and starting to hate the bus..and so I slept outside for the rest of the nights..and most of then werent bad nights at all but the one night in pouring rain, getting soaked and not able to really get up and get dry id rather not have happen again ever…it was just that I wasn’t under a tarp completely because one of the kids had to be moved into it and so he was completely protected in the middle but I was on one side and the program assistant manger person was on his other side and we got soaked and he wasn’t….finally I just gave up trying to sleep and waited for the sun to come up so I would have a reason to get out of my sleeping bag..i was shivering so bad I couldn’t get a grip an anything and it took forever walking to the bathroom..once again wet jeans suck horribly..oh and raccoons run rampant in state parks lol…they got into our food one night ..in a cooler no less and I woke up and walked by a couple times the next morning before I figured out I was looking at all the empty food wrappers on the ground…they got a whole pack of chocolate bars, 2 boxes of hot chocolate mix, cheese, cough drops and tried hard to get into the jelly container but they didn’t make it..we decided they were going to be some horribly sick raccoons for eating all of that at once..they were therefore named rj the raccoon from over the hedge and one of the kids kept watch for him the last couple days to scare him away for our sights..and on the last night jim and sam were on raccoon watch and walked around chasing them with sticks…the only way to get the youngest one to wash his bowls and cups and stuff was to tell him that rj would come and steal it if he left food in it..on our last night I told him he had to protect his socks from rj or else he would steal them and it kept him busy and in sight since he was intent on searching for the raccoons…I watched two raccoons fight in a tree on my first night sleeping outside and I was afraid to go to sleep and stayed up until anna came back..raccoons hiss which I learned and it is really creepy when there are just so many of them and they arent scared of us at all…oh but at both places we were so close to the beach..its been forever since ive been to the beach and it was so nice and peaceful and cold..i picked up jellyfish!!! I made jim save them and throw them back in the ocean after of course he chased me and tried to throw them at me..and there were tons of them all over the beaches…there were armadillos and we saw a deer…tons of pelicans and other birds...our bus broke down a bunch of times and we spent one day hanging out on the side of the road waiting for a mechanic..bus had to go to the shop another day and had to stay..we rented vans for the last couple days ..and it was so hectic worrying about bus issues on tops of all the kid issues…never taking that bus on another trip if I can help it..hated how unstable it was I guess..but we got there and made it back safely..we went to st augustine and it was so so so nice..i really want to go back again..we took a trolley tour and saw all the old buildings and the fountain of youth and the oldest tree and all this stuff…we camped on the beach there too…I burned a pinic table while cooking and we made smores before the night before we left…and we saw the lighthouse and a parking garage that I could live in!! and wanted to live in for that matter…in april when we are in fla again me and jim are so going back to st augustine! I really want to see the bridge of lions with the lions on it and that wont be any time soon so ill just have to go back again and again..but it was really cool…oh and swimming in the ocean in january…nnnnooooooooooo…the first time we went to the beach it turned into get in if you liked and I was only putting my feet in and well one started instigating and it turned into me trying to push him in and falling in with him..after like the third time it was just like ok im soaked so I might as well enjoy it..and then it was a free for all and I was soaked and like all the older guys were soaked..but i only pushed in two so it wwasn’tall me..and then I got to walk around for a couple days with my hair sticking up all over the pplace because I couldn’t do anything with it after its wet without a blow dryer..so after getting re soaked in the rain I just got it completely wet and combed it out and then it just puffed up and still stuck out all over the place! Quite entertaining so im told but couldn’t be helped and I refused to let jim get anywhere near me with a camera after that day! I had the camera anyway so it wasn’t that hard..so overall the trip had its fun moments and its not so fun moments..but I would do it again..and I really cant wait until we get to go to the fla keys in april since ive never been…trip stuff aside im glad to be back..i was glad to be able to go home last night and take a shower and see dusti and just sleep…and it will all start over again on Friday…but now I really do understand more of why I wanted to be here and work here…so its ok stress or no stress or not understanding what to do about my stress but oh well..maybe ill figure it out…decided im going home for a weekend at the end of feb…riley called me today and asked and after I told him I would come back I knew it was set…so ill go and see him and harris for a couple days and go home and all the fun stuff I cant wait to do….and go to ecu and see yvonne and get the stuff she still has of mine..and then come back..not rushed like last time..cant do it rushed again or ill drive myself up the wall…also decided that I have to go back to therapy..im pretty sure everyone assumed I would get around to accepting it and it only like took a little over a month but I finally got around to seriously looking into it at least..so I had to set up a time frame for myself or else ill never do it so but the end of feb ill see someone..figured it all out when I realized I wanted to cut and purge while in fla…and couldn’t feel ok about it because I was working and just didn’t need the stress added on…didn’t do it..didn’t mention wanting to do it…so I don’t know..maybe it will all go away tomorrow and I wont have to worry about it…and now im just hanging out watching movies and waiting to go to bed since im still so tired and wornout