thinking

im getting comfortable here...i like where i live and i like where i work..and of course i like getting paid...but if i get to comfortable when will i know its time to leave and go and do other stuff..when will i decide to go back to school and where will i go...will i get to travel before or after?..will i pick up and move states again? will i stay with aspen or go work somewhere else? will i be asked to go and work on starting up other programs? will i even be alive to figure it all out? i was comfortable in greenville nc and fought hard with being ok about moving when it became pretty obvious i would have to...and now ive moved and im starting to be ok and learn my way around and figure out where things are...i know i wont be moving anytime soon but everytime i think about it im sure ill just stay here and never move again...and thats being completely unrealistic any number of things could make it so that i would have to move..maybe i will even want to move i dont know....even staying with aspen gives me a lot of choices for where i want to go out side of talisman..there are programs in ny, oregon, and utah and more programs are made every year..the one in ny over the summer is just getting started like the semester program that im with..and the ways its going they are going to keep the semester program..it will get bigger and grow to different states too...even though i like it small i know its good if it can grow...where will i pick to go to school at for my masters? ecu is the logical choice but isnt it a good idea to go to a different school in a different state just for the experience?...but if prof dunn and dr bass and dr bunch and all my teachers i like are still at ecu why not go back there? ok thats an easy one because its not the same type of challenge going back to them...its not like starting over i guess ...but they believed in me when i didnt not that i do now but thats not the point...i dont want to go back to greenville nc...not to live..not for school...i liked it there because i knew my wway around...and im not going back to school anyway until ive figured my head out and that could take years at the rate im going...i thought about it a lot during my last semester...i cant deal with being in any masters program now or anytime soon...getting out of the undergrad program took all of my energy...i cant forget all the weekends i didnt do anything but stay in bed or stay in the apartment not doing anything because i was completely paranoid or completely depressed...i just kinda knew going to the masters program now would have been a huge mistake and a huge waste of money..not to mention im pretty sure i would have had to do another contract and that i never ever want to do again..so ill wait for now and just maybe see what happens...even after getting my masters i can still work with aspen...addy asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up...i havent finished growing up yet..maybe i never will but for now there really isnt anything to do but wait