well finally i have made it to going to nias for a week..finally i am getting out of richmond and all of its depressingness lately..away from work and ppl needing me for things and just being able to get a break...im tired..my body is tired..my mind is tired..it comes out as being sleepy i think..but i am just so very tired .. and i dont know how to make it better..i mean yes i sleep..i sleep ALOT..im sleeping a lot again..and i guess the uncertainty about things have me feeling more down again..and worried..and my mind is full of what ifs..and im scared about things that i prolly shouldnt be afraid of...but again my self worth is called into question and its like no im not good enough..and i need to work harder..try harder..be more..be better..and that is tiring all by itsself...its as if i cant let go of the doubts..self doubt..self sabatoge..any of it..and on a good day i know im ok..nothing special but just ok..right now though..i dont know..so maybe a break and getting away is a good thing...going away from everything for a few days ...shoot i would turn my phone completely off except i may get a call from work..and well i cant completely ignore that stuff..clients i have no real intention of talking to..but office stuff i may still need to stay in touch for...but i plan to spend as much time as i can with sarah and nia and noa (seperately of course lol) i want to go to sleep..i got worn out with all the car stuff and waiting and not being able to do what i wanted too...i didnt get to clean my car completely on the inside but i did go and get the oil changed and my car looked at...im afraid that i will be putting more money than i want to into my car soon..
yeah working on focusing on the fact that i am getting out of here...im sad to leave taji and bounce..but i know i will be back..i have to come back..
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