no si

i went to the store today...and after last night the intent to cut was strong.well it was strong last night...this morning i wasnt really thinking about it...im trying not to give in...im trying to figure this all out.the needs and wants and all of it..and yes i wanted to hurt last night..i truly did...but i went to the store today. and picked up razors for shaving but not just plain blades for cutting..i didnt even realize until tonight that i didnt even look for them in the store...yes i am feeling down still...lonely..bored..tired..on edge..worried..scared...so many things.....everything is weighing heavily on me right now...and im not sure how to get the overwhelming emotions out...i dont know...but im close to almost 10 months without the s.i...major si...recently i find myself picking at my fingers...i may have purged a couple times in the past ten months..and well taking meds incorrectly happens like two or three times a month...but i am trying...im still trying