tonight for whatever reason the negative thoughts are eating away at me...about everything..about nothing..about what in the crap i am doing ..and if i am juts once again setting myself up to be hurt in the long run...
i so badly want to experience life..to have love and comfort and support..to be able to be myself without being afraid .. to feel safe
but i dont know what i want either...and that makes me feel stupid and upset and like im ready to cry...becuase i feel like it should be so simple..you find someone you like..you get to know them..things evolve as they will..but i am making it hard..and im starting to analyze...starting to reject myself again..because im crazy and stupid and selfish..and mommy told me that no one would ever love me...she told me that i am to selfish for love...what if she is right ? what if im destined to be alone for the rest of my life...maybe i just need to get used to the idea..and stop trying to have things be different..
silence is my friend
love is the enemy
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