sometimes i think alice wants to get a rise out of me ....
i think im mad at her
but i cant even figure out what it is that i am mad about..
once again the question is given to me...what do i want? what am i willing to work for?
already the nervousness and fear about the holidays is creeping in..and i know this..and i know i have to be more vigilent..more careful...stay away from things that i know are a trigger...but i cant escape the next few months...between now and new years...i want to hold it together..i really do..but im afraid ill fall apart...and then i wont need mommy to tell me im useless...ill know im freaking useless..
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