whatever liar said the truth will set you free is the biggest asshole in the world.  the truth hasnt ever done anything but cause me trouble..and now i am in trouble...big enough trouble that it is ruining my day..my week..my month...my next few months...will be ruled by this mistake that i have made and let happen...yes it is my fault completely..yes i have to take responsibilty and deal with the consequences of paying the money back...thankfully its not some massive amount ..but i mean 2500 is a lot of money..and money that i dont freaking have...

but as much as i want this to mess me up and have me feeling depressed and suicidal and all sorts of things..i wont ..finding and keeping my job is important....and if it is the last thing i do..i will fight for my job...and do what i need to do..

and so right now that means getting up and getting out of bed and finishing what i planned to do today..so that i can start getting back to work...aas quickly as i can..that is what is important...