this week has been hard..both pyhsically and emotionally...im drained and worn out and sick..literally... and i just guess its been a steady downhill battle since last friday when i first got the allergic reaction to some of my meds..but at the time i didnt know it was that...so i went through the weekend..taking benadryl and hoping the swelling in my mouth would go down..and it did...insert some work issues saturday night that resultedd in a huge huge decision..that left me with houseguests for the week..which if you know me is a hard thing for me to deal with..like just having someone else in my space..so holy crap with 3 additional ppl in my small aprtment..but ok ...come monday..stress with work and what not...monday night..the swelling returns..slowly but by tuesday morning once again my mouth is swollen but i dont have trouble breathing...so thankfully i had a doc appt on tuesday and was able to see her and talk to her about what was happening..and so two of my meds got stopped..cas of possibly being allergic to them..back on benadryl and another allergy med to bring down the swelling...blood pressure meds changed..and the birth control stopped...so just kinda feeling crummy and tired all day tuesday..and then therapy which has been on my mind but i havent had time yet to write about it..but got through tuesday in some sort of haze...realized a bit late that the house guest thing was a huge huge responsibility due to one of the kids having to go to school and being here it was a 20/30 min drive every morning and afternoon :( so just more stress on me..about the whole thing..cas getting her there and getting her home was just tiring by itself..wed managed to work most of the day..but again felt really tired and just worn out...thursday again i woke up congested and confused and sick...had an eye doc appt.. found out i need glasses..walked around most of the day unable to see thanks to the drops they put in my eyes..and so the strain with driving and working and reading gaave me a huge huge headache..and the more my head hurt the more frustrated and upset i felt...went to work..got incredibly frustrated towards the evening time with the whole late to pick up the kid plus issues with a client..i was just so angry and upset and had a major headache i was so so soooo mad ..and ended up wanting to just cut..but instead i sepearated myself from my houseguest..and spent some time driving in my car alone..and just listening to music..and so by the time i came back home i was calmer..at least enough to get through the evening..still not feeling great though...and so that brings me to this morning...again i wake up congested and sick..i thought i was losing my voice..coughing, headache, sore throat..just sick you know..and then i realized that i was feeling sick like time of the month sick..and so in perfect clarity i remembered that im not on the birth control any longer and that brings its own set of anxiety due to the issues that can happen with this..it may be normal..it may last two weeks..who knows :( but i dont want to deal with it..i hate the sick feeling..i hate the crampy and cranky and wanting to live on sugar and salt feelings...cas once i figured out what was going on i had already made some really poor food choices today and it just got worse as the day went on...but got meds at the store..and restocked up on some things..wasted to much money on food..junk food...and worked and STILL felt awful..stuffy and stomach hurting and all of that..and well bleeding through my clothes which meant that my trip to the store turned into a bigger deal because i was still technically working so i needed to get myself cleaned up and everything..joy... but worked this morning..and into the afternoon and even picked up some extra hours helping out someone else..and then went to the grocery store..for again junk food..and came home ate lunch and crashed ..big time...woke up a bit ago and took meds and now im just once again laying down..having trouble breathing because im again super congested..but i want ice cream and i want to just go to bed...i still have to getmy scripts filled and start the new meds..but i just feel so awful that i dont want to add on possible side effects onto my already tired and worn down body...i cant deal with it..right now i dont feel like i can deal with anything..i just want to sleep and ignore the world for a little bit...i want peace and quiet..and my house guest have left..and so it is much quieter and i think i feel lonely..but at the same time i know i was reaching my limit for having someone else constantly around and in my house..so now its just me and the cats again and we are just chilling out...my goal for the weekend is to just take the meds and sleep and recooperate..i cant keep feeling like this...i dont want to do anything..i dont want to get out of bed..i dont want to have to deal with anything at all you know..i just want to lay down...and so for the next couple days that is all i am doing...i have to give myself time to get better..or else its just going to get worse..and this whole not feeling good thing is getting old fast...its been a long time already and still im struggling and not feeling well...
so yes i am feeling sorry for myself..im tired and dehydrated and worn out and did i mention tired?? i think ill just go back to sleep after grabbing something to munch on of course...ugh...trying to stay awake long enough to get in one more dose of meds..but im not sure ill make it...
i just want to feel better...im tired of being sick and tired..i am
No comments:
Post a Comment