feeling very very mean....

i know this is my blog and i can write what i want..so if you are easily offended and have no open mind then dont bother with reading ok....thanks



now im in a proffesion where i am expected to help ppl..to support ppl..to meet them where they are at .. and im good at my job..i do care about my clients..

but sometimes there is that one person that i interact with..be it in person, online, in a group, on a message board, in chat whereever..that i just have a HARD time relating to and understanding there decisions...why willingly stay in a place or with someone that is hurting you ??  as an adult...this is not a child who cant leave..this is not an elderly person..this is not a sick or physically disabled person..who is willingly making the choice to stay in an unsafe situation and it pisses me off...ive been hit and hurt enough that i swore to never be put in another situation that leaves me feeling powerless or in a position where i will be hurt..never again..i may not acknowledge it often but i am not a child..i can make choices...i can take care of myself and im expected to take care of myself first..screw the hell out out of taking care of someone else...ugh ..its so frustrating and upsetting and makes me feel so so so mean... because yes  i have issues..yes i have problems..yes i may whine and complain and moan and feel sorry for myself but at the end of the day i know that im all i have..good or bad choices im still all i have...so i work it out..figure out a way to move forward..i may feel sorry for myself for a few days even or completely shut down for a while..but i dont stay that way..not anymore...

i understand ppl are all in different places in there lives..i do..i understand ppl heal differently..and that sometimes people fall in love with people who are just wrong for them and there lives...but i just have trouble tolerating ppl who willingly put themselves in a situation that they know is bad ..and then just sit there and complain about it..swear that they are safer there than by themselves...this is an issue between 2 grown ass adults..and im sorry if i dont have the empathy right now..but i hear the situation and i look at it..and i can see or guess how it will end..and im trying to tell this woman that she needs to put herself first..that she needs to keep herself safe...and that she is an adult..and he is an adult ..and he can take care of his own da
mn self drunk or not...ill be damned if i allow someone to just hurt me..and know its coming..and this is not a marriage..this is a willingly staying at his place when she has her own apartment to go too..so no i dont understand and it makes me mad...it makes me wonder ... i understand domestic violence..i understand the need to stay and  try to fix someone..but deep inside this is diffferent to me..this is making a choice and setting yourself up to be hurt..and that is not ok...i dont care how much you feel you deserve it or its bound to happen...no no no no NO ..that is bullcrap..its lies..and ugh...

maybe its because im looking at it from the outside and not literally in the middle of it..maybe i am just talking out of my ass and just complaining and being mean and uncaring...i dont know..i do know that i am mad ..and that i have the right to be mad if i want too.. i dont like knowing ppl are being hurt..i dont like knowing children are being hurt..i dont like knowing that adults are making choices to stay in situations that are unsafe...but i am only in control of myself..and i have supported and advised and listened and tried to care for this person more than once..and still we have the same conversations...still i hear all about what she wants to do and cant..how life is worthless... and its in these moments that all the stuff my therapist tells me comes back to mind..that things are a choice..that you can leave if you want it bad enough..that you have to take care of yourself first and then take care of others...its not the other way around...you only have yourself...becuase other people come and go..some are good for you and some arent..but at the end of the day..again all you have left is yourself...and it may not be great or wanted or anything ..but still

ugh..i dont know..
i know its not my issue..but at the same time im being told this is happening and i want to help i do..but my frustration at the sistuation makes me want to just shake this person and tell her to open her eyes and look around for a minute at the situation she has put herself in..and mkae changes to make it better... does that make me mean ? selfish>?  uncaring? 

*sigh*
im going to watch cartoons ... sometimes life is to much to deal with ... it really is ...