Tuesday, February 21, 2012

ugh ...one bad choice leads to another

im really hungry right now..like majorly hungry and there is nothing that i truly want to eat at home..and that is frustrating me i think..but i have lots of junk food...bad trip to the grocery store today lead to me getting major not so good things and then i stopped and got fast food which was disappointing..and then i threw up..and then i took my medicine finally..and now i want to eat..but ugh..i dont know..

i think today just caused more anxiety than i thought it did..i dont know..i didnt want to purge but i did anyway..but then i felt better once i made the decision to do it..because the feeling is nice afterwards..the sick feeling before hand is majorly gross..but still i made a choice and did it and ugh..yeah..

i dont know im just preoccupied tonight...i need to do my paperwork and i dont want to..i just want to lay down and like think about everything but do nothing..i need to clean up and do laundry and all sorts of stuff..but still im not doing anything..i hate feeling like this..i hate when my mood is so down and out and just frustrating..im not suicidal though..guess thats the one good thing..essh

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