fears...real and imagined...

im afraid today.  im afraid to leave the house. to go outside. to be outside around anyone else.  the world is to scary, everything is to open, to crowded..and only being at home can keep me safe..i didnt realize until today that the fear was there again..and that the more i thought about going out the more fearful i became..almost to the point of crying because the idea is so very upsetting.  i dont understand where it comes from or why it is here or what it means..but for some reason i do not feel safe..with anything..it is hard..to manage this and still have to do things outside of the house..and to be expected to leave home and go to work and things..maybe that is why my mornings have become so hard again..my fear and anxiety is rising again...i dont understand..