how interesting things are becoming...

besides my overt lack of motivation to do anything at all this week...there are a lot of different things going on..and its all dealing with some big big major things..lots of changing and dealing with things and some how managing and talking more and accepting support and comfort..and all of that..

like im considering going to church this weekend..as a way to get out and meet new ppl..which is a highly terrifying thing to even consider..because i have major issues with being around new people and well talking and not dying on the spot..and well my major anxiety with just meeting new ppl and being in a new environment..and all of that...super scary .. but im thinking about it.i said i would..and ill most likely show up...but going inside is a whole different issue..like i can gt myself there..i can..but already the anxiety about going inside is major..and its not even happened yet..and i feel like im maybe over reacting ..but the anxiety is real...very very real...

and i actually signed up for a peer to peer education program ...its 11 darn weeks!! well the program is one day a week for 11 weeks..and since i am so much in need to support and all of that i figure i can manage this i hope..and maybe learn some new things and skills and what not...i emailed the lady tonight about signing up for the program..and it doesnt start until the end of march..so i have a bit more time to get used to the idea too..

and i want to fill out the application to go to the nami convention thing thats in june..well i want to see if i can get a scholarship to go to the conference..that would be awesome and well ive never been to seattle..so that would be really cool..but i have to actually do the darn application..and get it mailed in and have a letter of recommendation..so yeah...ive been trying to figure out who to ask to write me that recommendation..i dont know..i sorta dont want to let my supervisor do it but goodness she may write a great one...maybe ill ask my therapist to write it for me..i dont know..

and then add in all of the usual issues with the week and therapy and work and my head is just full right now...a lot of thinking going on about so many different things..