yes i have some issues when it comes to reading or watching things that involve a child or women being hurt in some way...abused i guess you could say.. and i can relate and feel their pain and confusion etc...but i really watch like ive said before because i need to see that they have a happier ending to their story..and yess then i just get jealously because there problems are all solved within a two hour time frame..and im still struggling to manage my own stuff..and to deal with my own past hurts and things...so yes it feels very unfair..but all the same i do watch it...Enough came on tonight again..a movie about domestic violence..and it makes me upset...i refuse to ever let someone else hit me...never again..ive spent way to long feeling helpless and afraid..im tired of feeling so helpless and scared and afraid..my life has been ruled by my past for so long..and the long road to gaining peace of mind seems to be never ending..but for my getting to the point where i do have peace of mind will be the hardest battle i have to fight..and i refuse to be put in the positive that i am allowing someone else to hurt me...as a kid maybe i wasnt able to protect myself...the people who were supposed to protect me werent there..and so i was hurt and used and bribed and picked on and tthreatened and shamed and harmed...sso much that has happened to me and still the fear of past actions rules me..and still scares me..again it frustrates me that i am not learning the differences between good touch and bad touch..im learning that its not ok too be treated badly..its not ok to be yelled at or hurt or picked on..its not okay at all .im learning that i can say no..i can say no and not feel bad about it..im learning that i have a right to be happy..to be cared for..and supported..im learning that it is ok to ask for hugs..at appropriate times..but just you know there is life without being hurt...i just have to find it..and be willing to keep it..
oh and awesomely awesome news ...... going to see the lion king next week :) :) :) :) :) :) like there is no words to describe my enjoyment of this show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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