trying to deal with it

things are just feeling a bit unsettled...but goodness all the extra thinking time is bothersome..if i dont see t next week then it will be lots and lots of thinking time..and i maybe that is a good thing..having time to just sorta think things over..and figure out where i want to go from there...all the conversations this week have been majorly eye opening ..well i can see that now..a day ago i was feeling just awful and picked on..you know..just not a great few days..but today..i dont know..regardless of things going on.. felt sorta ok..frustrated at times with stuff..but overall managed i think..and so glad its the weekend..this week has drained us..i just want to sleep for the next two days..that would be awesome..

but feeling really antsy this evening..wanting to go somewhere..move..leave and just drive to some random destination..i dont know..just want to kinda go somewhere that is not here..

really am going to try hard to relax this weekend..and not stress out about things..thats the goal anyway..hopefully that will work out..


there are parts of the conversations that i have had this week have left me thinking about lots about certain things...like i dont want little kids to be hurt..i dont want want kids or anyone to suffer and be hurt and live scared and afraid..and my supervisor told me that i could help them..that i could understand the hurts and help them..and that every minute a child is hurt..and that me not working on my own stuff means that i may not be able to help the kids or people i come into contact with :(..that is a very depressing thought...sometimes my need to help someone else is a big big deal...it is nice to know that my clients do need me..i dont think about it often but sometimes at home i think about wonder about how much i do care for my clients and know that they care and have concerns for me also..and supervisor told me that my clients needed me..and there are so many times when i feel so ignored..so forgotten..so alone..and i feel like i am fighting this all by myself and that there is no way anyone can understand how hard it is for me to do daily stuff when all i want to do is hide at home and not interact with anyone...but they do care..my supervisor and my director..and t..they do care and i dont understand why but they do..and i need to trust them..learn from them..work on my stuff ..and some how learn how to let it go...thats the plan anyway..

so im thinking that i need a therapy notebook again..any actual notebook..that i can keep with me ..for writing and stuff..online is fine and ill prolly be online way more..but on the days when therapy is hard an my ability to remember things is  low..it will be a good thing..