why is it so hard for me to accept help ?

already today i want to crry because a friend is doing something very very nice and helpful for me...and all i can think about is that it involves money and i want to refuse it...i dont wawnt to accept that i need help..i dont want to need help..and i think i would almost rather struggle and freak out and panic and all sorts of that stuff instead of just saying ok.please help me..yesterday i refused at first to let a coworker loan me a little bit of money..i felt so guilty and upset about it..i didnt want to do it..i didnt want to need it..and it took a lot to get me to admit that i was pretty much out of money and needed the help..i didnt ask..for some reason its important for me to point that out..i did not ask for it..she offered..and that makes it only slightly better..and then last night..i was talking with a friend about my car and how it is freaking me out..cas its sounding weird..and making a grinding noise and i know my tires are crap riight now..and im just scared something is going to happen ..every time i get into my car...and later on she told me that she and her husband could possibly help me out with it..help me out enough to buy a little more time so that i could afford to get it woroked on if needed later..ifs its more than just the brakes and tires...and i have a 6 yr old riding around in the car with me...i need to make sure my car is safe..i know i need the help because really i was looking at paying for my car or for my rent..but i couldnt do both..it was one or the other..and it would have been the rent check that would have bounced..but i need my car to work..and well i need to pay rent so i have a place to live..and its all a mess and confusing..and i asked for some time to think about it you know.. and im still thinking about it and .. im still resisting it so much...but i know that i need to accept it..but why does accepting it make me feel like a failure ?