lately i know i have had a lot of stuff going on..and a lot to deal with as my therapist told me today..and i am feeling stressed and out of sorts and all of that..but i just feel so unable to be supportive of anyone else and that makes me feel really bad...like i ask and ask for support..or i guess i imply that i need support and then i cant return it to anyone..i manage to give little bits of support but i just cant process anyone elses stuff..and its bothering me i guess..because its my friends who are struggling and i read whats going on with them and i just cant seem to come up with anything at all to say..i dont know how to make it better..and i want to make it better..
i guess this is coming out now because well therapy today was hard and disappointing and frustrating..im still not talking about what i need to talk about and its really bothering me..its really ..i dont know i just cant seem to figure it out and i keep fighting her and shutting down and pretending..always pretending..and i dont know how to get myself to stop..i dont know how to figure out how to get the words out without freaking out and trying to kill myself or something...im stuck..and i guess i know why im stuck but i cant figure out how to tell my therapist the reasons why im feeling so stuck..and i just end up feeling so frustrated ...and i hate it all..and i dont know what to do...
there is a lot more to say on all of this but now isnt the time...
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