well about halfway through the week..the issue of my car came up and what i could or couldnt do about it..and she started talking to me about how she and her husband had some extra money that there inlaws had told them to like donate to the church..but umm long story short..they told me that i could bring my car up to there house today and they would work out something for my tires and my brakes...which you know freaked me out..because to me thats like excepting handouts or something..and i cant seem to suck up my pride and let it go when i need to..and i was ready to refuse..i was ready to tell her no on all of it..even though i knew good and well my brakes were bad and my tires to..and i wasnt going to accept the help they were offering...and so i thought about it for like a day..before telling her i would accept the offer..and that i would bring my car..and even then i had to keep convincing myself that it was ok and that i was making the right choice...and so today i took my car and her husband changed all of my brake pads..and got my 2 new front tires...cas mine were awful..and refilled up my gas tank..and i didnt have to pay for any of it..and i think thats the most shocking part..that they paid for it all and im sure it had to have been a couple hundred ..if not more..i didnt ask..and they didnt offer..but its done with..i drove my car home and didnt feel panicked at all about driving it and about breaking down...my brakes dont grind anymore! it was an awesome feeling..and i thanked her and her husband a million times and told them that i do appreciate what they have done..and i mean that completely..
because in the past month..my friends have really helped me out..and each time its been in ways that i havent asked for..and even though i have felt so hopeless and lost and confused..and well just in general not great..they still keep talking to me and trying to help ..and not always with money..because well everyone is struggling and im just one in millions..and yeah..sometimes just listening is enough..and i know in the past couple months all ive done is complain..and whine and moan and all that about whats going on for me..and it has been a really hard couple months..and im hoping that that time will be over soon..i really really am..and i keep reminding myself that soon ill be getting paid again and my hours will start adding up and ill have money again..and can catch up again..and all of that..i know though that with my jobs now..i have to take it week by week ..and just deal with it..but i can do this..i can..
but on to other news..im feb of next year im very possibly going to fla..for a vacation type thing and a conference on dissociation..and it is very exciting..well i think going to fla is the most exciting part lol..because well im trying to figure out a way to go to at least one park..and well trying to figure out all the money that will involve..and all of that..and if i start saving now..i think it can and will work oout...and that will be so so awesome..but it is nice having something to look forward too...
and well my birthday is in like 3 weeks..and i dont know if im actually doing anything..a friend at work invited me to hang out with her sorta on my birthday..and i know i have to work part of my birthday..but as for doing anything..im not real sure about that..so i dont know ..still figuring out that one..
im still kinda putting off all of my work for therapy..im trying not to think about it..and then i think about it to much and it scares me ...and i think tonight ill pick one thing to kinda write about for her to read..and just see what happens...
essh ...
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